The Good News

Revelations 22:13

I am the alpha and the bromega, the first and the last, the broginning and the end. How blessed are bros who pump their fists so that they have the right to gel of hair and may go through the doors into the club.

Exodus 14:21

Broses pumped his fist over the crowd, and the BRO swept the crowd back by a strong RnB playlist all night and turned the crowd into bare dancefloor, so the skanks were divided.

Spread the word, bros.

Tom Selleck is a fashion hero.

Things that I hope become ironic fashion trends #001

Irony is unavoidable in this day and age. As I become more jaded sometimes I find myself thinking that maybe I should just go with the flow instead of complaining about the things that unfashionable people do. I have decided to write this series of articles to explore the things that I hope become ironic fashion trends.

Refugees

You all know what a refugee is. I hope that sometime around 2020 we'll have middle class teenagers donning fake name-brand tracksuits and commiting gang rape in order to be ironic refugees. I hope that the future Camden based Timothys and Victorias relocate to Calais and start calling themselves Iqbal and Afrique. I can just see these Hampshire born youths huddling around a burning oil tin, proud of how authentically displaced they look.

A man can dream.

You spend too much money on clothes.

First off I'd like to apologise for the lack of blogs recently. I've been in London and have been too occupied and tired to think about blogging. Now I'm back home I have time to vent my anger at you.

I would like to talk about the following phrase and all its variants. 

"You spend too much money on clothes."

The problem with this phrase is that the person saying it better remove themselves from all facets of capitalism if they want to have any logical grounding. Every time I hear a geeky subterranean blob say this I die a little on the inside. 

It is hard to claim the moral highground when you are sitting wearing clothes made by Bolivian children that are whipped for kicks. It is also difficult to win this argument when you spend all your money on video games, alcohol and lube.

EDIT FOR KEVIN: You can spend too much money on clothes if it prevents you from paying for the rent and your diabetes medication.

Racists: A fashionable perspective.

Now, before you start bawling at me for this article, I'd just like to point out that if you think racists and fashionable people are mutually exclusive groups you are an idiot and deserve to be curbstomped by whichever group of thugs has a bone to pick with your ethnic group. I'd also appreciate if any bleeding heart teenage politicians wouldn't question my choice of groups, this blog is about fashion, not politics and I don't want to have to write boring disclaimers like this one. During my research for this article I was even pleasantly surprised by the sartorial choices of certain racist groups.

The Ku Klux Klan

For those of you who live under a rock, the Ku Klux Klan are a white supremacist organisation with roots in the southern states of the USA. Although hard to appreciate at first glance, the Ku Klux Klan truly were pioneers of the Atelier look made so popular by Rick Owens and Viridi Anne. You can say what you like about these rough and tumble southern gentleman, but you can't say they weren't afraid to experiment with layering. The KKK definitely win the 'Most interesting silhouette to be lynched by' award in my books.

Far-right Politicans

If I were to tell you that these two men (Nick Griffin and Kyle Bristow, transatlantic hate pals) did not look retarded, I would be lying. These barely legitimate politicians both look like they have graduated special school and their mothers have dragged them to the graduation ceremony in their church clothes. Note that Griffin's tie says "I might want to kill all Pakistanis, but it's a pink tie, I'm a nice guy really." but his facial expression says "I want to eat the children of minorities." You're sending me mixed messages, Nick.

Neo-Nazi Skinheads

We're now getting into the racist groups that I suppose you could call properly fashionable, but there is still a lot of ground to be made up. Neo-nazi skinheads picked up on the skinny jean thing long before the rest of todays youth, and Doc Martens are so working-class chic. Not too keen on the ugly jackets, though, and the way they hang around in groups being violent is so uncouth. A note to skinheads: Before shaving off your hair, make sure you don't have an ugly head shape.

Nazis

It goes without saying that the Nazis knew a thing or two about the way to carry out a stylish humanitarian catastrophe, however everything that needs to be said about the Nazis has already been said so I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

The Black Panthers

Before some teenage politician posts a comment saying "thinerkid u r such an idort black panfers r not racist", I'd like to point out that were the Black Panthers a white organisation they would've been considered one. Examine any picture of the Black Panthers and you will see that they were seriously stylish, winning the 'Best in show' award for the 21st century. Those leather jackets, the slim black trousers, highly polished boots. Intimidating, well thought out, a touch of military with the berets. Well done Black Panthers, you are the best dressed racists.

Sample taken of men in the New York state area.

Hitlist #001

I am writing this article for the second time. The first time I wrote a scathing article about this man and it had no jokes. It was a bile filled rant about this recovering hambeast and lacked humour.

Gok Wan

To those of you unfamiliar with this living abortion, Gok Wan is an incredibly camp TV-stylist in the United Kingdom. He is famous for producing a television programme called 'How To Look Good Naked'

He is about as adept at fashion as Timmy Mallet's stylist, yet the sofa dwelling manatees of the UK hold him up as a paragon of fashion. Famous simply because he used to be morbidly obese and now is unnaturally thin, he now is seen as a fashion expert simply because he falls nicely into the 'gay fashion' stereotype. All of this is made worse by the fact that he is in fact very bad at his job. He leaves these women dolled up in unflattering clothes and gives no real useful advice.

In short: Gok Wan is to fashion what Katrina is to New Orleans.