I am told that this is called a Venn diagram.

Thank you Thomas for your knowledge of proper data display.

This article hurt a little to write.

Let me explain. Ralph Lauren is a fashion icon to me. Never has he released a collection that didn't leave me wanting for more. But the sheer idea behind this item made me feel slightly sick.

A well fitting polo shirt is a staple of a man's summer wardrobe. It creates a casual look and forgoes the slobbish connotations of a t-shirt. Although a great number of companies release this garment each year, without a doubt the Ralph Lauren Polo is the definitive classic. The Ralph Lauren Polo evokes ivy-league thoughts whether it is worn in Bolton or Bahrain. 

Me watching Ralph Lauren produce this garment is like a Christian watching Jesus garrote a kitten. I am devastated. Never before have I seen a garment designed so obviously to apply to the nouveau-riche idiots who wish to display to the world their bank balances. Now, if a Ralph Lauren polo-shirt was prohibitively expensive; like Alexander McQueen or even Ralph Lauren Black Label, I would understand peoples desire to tell the world the value of the shirt, but these shirts are moderately priced. This means that all you are saying to the world by wearing this shirt is:

"I can afford a moderately priced polo shirt, and I am obnoxious enough that a regular sized logo is too small."

Or alternatively:

"I can afford a moderately priced polo shirt, and would like the visually impared to know, too, for although I am a dolt, I am an equal opportunities dolt." 

Not really an impressive statement. Well maybe the second one is, but as far as I am aware, it is the rarer case. 

Should you wear a Fedora hat? A handy pocket guide.

Items that should never be worn #002

Picture this scene: A keffiyeh adorned man wakes up in the morning, spatters pale yellow paint onto his face, applies make up to make him look gaunt and ill, and leaves the house faking a hobble. As everyone looks at him with concerned eyes, his inner monologue is screaming with joy. "Yes! They really think I have AIDS!"

Ridiculous, right? Of course it is. The very idea strikes you as one of the most bizarre, petty things a human could contrive to do. And on principle, this scene is exactly the same to a common fashion crime I see on the streets, clear lensed glasses.

I am not talking about prescription lenses. If you have visual impairment by all means buy Elton John sunglasses and display with pride your slight disability. I am talking about the people that purchase glasses with clear lenses with the sole purpose of making people think that they do not have good eyesight. 

I cannot imagine a person so vacuous of intelligence and personality that they adorn their faces with such an item so that people apply the intelligent stereotype associated with glasses wearers. Someone so insecure in their own personality that they feel the need to borrow an illness, but I feel sad for society that this is common enough that our mass market fashion stores stock these monstrosities.

In short, anyone that wears these creations of the devil should be euthanised. It's the only humane thing to do.

Oh god.

Sometimes I think that the hardest part about being a model is keeping a straight face in photos such as this. Within those dark eyes you can see a self loathing unmatched in any other profession. 

High-street prize of SS09.

A somewhat inaccurate barometer of success for runway styles is the high street fashionmongers that dress the bros and broettes of tomorrow. Nevertheless it is worth inspecting as this is a simple post dedicated to the looks that Topman and the likes have decided will look good on  boys named Gavin, Bazza and Jason.

Scoop necked shirts

Ahhh yes, the scoop neck. What better way to air your clavicles and let everyone know that you have the figure of a young Gandhi? I'll admit, I've considered purchasing one, and they do look good on men that manage to survive solely on Parliament Lights and coffee. It's precisely for this reason that I resent them being paraded through Asos and Topman like a thruppenny whore. I shed a tear every time I see a scoop neck t-shirt on the chest of a bro displaying a "west ham 4 lyfe" tattoo and chubby moobs.

The Drop Crotch

Perhaps the readers of my blog who have a life less fashion obsessed will not have seen this trend creeping over from the wilds of Scandinavia, but I expect it to arrive here by mid summer. Displayed brilliantly here by Damir Doma (Disclaimer: I am a Damir Doma fanboy.) they are another interesting way to experiment with shape. However, drop-crotched, rigid jeans draped (Or perhaps folded?) over the legs of a four foot tall Norweigan hipster border on ridiculous. "It's ironic, ya." I don't care, Hans, you look silly.

Knitted Elephant Hats

Naw guys I'm kidding. Apologies for the lack of eloquence in this blog, it's late for me and Thinner Kid needs his sleep just like you. Thanks goes to Ami for the helpful spellchecking.

Items that should never be worn ironically. #001

Sitting on the cusp of the 20th and 21st centuries, fashion seems to have pushed young fashion into a period of irony. Before I write anything too cutting, I would like to make it clear that I do not have a problem with irony (Or even ironic fashion.) in itself. This post is about an item I believe should not be worn ironically unless you are Donald Cumming or living in a squat in Williamsburg (Or both.)

First up on our parade of shame is an item known as a fannypack on one side of the Atlantic, and a bumbag on the other. The fact that there are two equally repulsive names for one fashion item should set alarm bells off in the mind but I have spotted more than one intrepid youth sporting one of these monstrosities.

The Fannypack/Bumbag/Rohypnolder:

For some, the fannypack represents a utilitarian triumph of function over form. A man wearing a fanny pack is proudly proclaiming to the world that he considers the safe carriage of items too large to fit in his pockets more important than the simple human desire to look good. From this perspective, a fannypack seems to have a use, but stepping back and truly considering the subject it appears that a fannypack is simply a bag with an unorthodox strap. The fannypack fans may say "But thinner kid, I must not keep my artifacts in a simple bag, like a fop! I must holster them!" 

As far as I'm concerned, if you cannot kill or maim someone with it (Not including by overdose or poisoning.) you have no need to holster it. There is no way that the slightly suspect fifty-year-old man standing outside a West Country youth club needs quick access to his loose change and inhaler that a bag could not provide.